the March
Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly took
the place of the March Hare. The Hatter was the only one who got any
advantage from the change: and Alice was a good deal worse off than
before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began very
cautiously: - But I don't understand. Where did they draw the treacle
from?
- You can draw water out of a water-well, - said the Hatter; - so I
should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well - eh, stupid?
- But they were IN the well, - Alice said to the Dormouse, not
choosing to notice this last remark.
- Of course they were', said the Dormouse; - well in. This answer so
confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for some time without
interrupting it.
- They were learning to draw, - the Dormouse went on, yawning and
rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; - and they drew all
manner of things - everything that begins with an M
- Why with an M? - said Alice.
- Why not? - said the March Hare. Alice was silent. The Dormouse had
closed its eyes by this time, and was going off into a doze; but, on being
pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went on:
- that begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory,
and muchness-you know you say things are - much of a muchness - did you
ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?
- Really, now you ask me, - said Alice, very much confused, - I don't
think
- Then you shouldn't talk, - said the Hatter. This piece of rudeness
was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great disgust, and walked
off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took
the least notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, half
hoping that they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they
were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.
- At any rate I'll never go THERE again! - said Alice as she picked
her way through the wood. - It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in
all my life!
Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door
leading right into it. - That's very curious! - she thought. - But
everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once. - And in
she went.
Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little
glass table. - Now, I'll manage better this time, - she said to herself,
and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led
into the garden. Then she wet to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had
kept a piece of it in her pocked) till she was about a foot high: then she
walked down the little passage: and THEN - she found herself at last in
the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.


CHAPTER VIII

The Queen's Croquet-Ground

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses
growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily
painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went
nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard one of
them say, - Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like
that!
- I couldn't help it, - said Five, in a sulky tone; - Seven jogged my
elbow.
On which Seven looked up and said, - That's right, Five! Always lay
the blame on others!
- YOU'D better not talk!'said Five. - I heard the Queen say only
yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!
- What for? - said the one who had spoken first.
- That's none of YOUR business, Two! - said Seven.
- Yes, it IS his business! - said Five, - and I'll tell him - it was
for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.
Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun - Well, of all the
unjust things - when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood
watching them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round
also, and all of them bowed low.
- Would you tell me, - said Alice, a little timidly, - why you are
painting those roses?
Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low
voice, - Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a
RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen was
to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you
see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to At this moment Five,
who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out - The Queen!
The Queen! - and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon
their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round,
eager to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like
the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the
corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with
diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came
the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came
jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them
Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous
manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing
her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's crown on a
crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came THE
KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her
face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember every having
heard of such a rule at processions; - and besides, what would be the use
of a procession, - thought she, - if people had all to lie down upon their
faces, so that they couldn't see it? - So she stood still where she was,
and waited.
When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and
looked at her, and the Queen said severely - Who is this? - She said it to
the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.
- Idiot! - said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning
to Alice, she went on, - What's your name, child?
- My name is Alice, so please your Majesty, - said Alice very
politely; but she added, to herself, - Why, they're only a pack of cards,
after all. I needn't be afraid of them!
- And who are THESE? - said the Queen, pointing to the three
gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as they were
lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the
rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or
soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children.
- How should I know? - said Alice, surprised at her own courage. -
It's no business of MINE. The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after
glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed - Off with her
head! Off
- Nonsense! - said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen
was silent.
The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said - Consider, my
dear: she is only a child!
The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave - Turn
them over!
The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. - Get up! - said the
Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped
up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and
everybody else.
- Leave off that! - screamed the Queen. - You make me giddy. - And
then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, - What HAVE you been doing
here?
- May it please your Majesty, - said Two, in a very humble tone,
going down on one knee as he spoke, - we were trying
- I see! - said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the
roses. - Off with their heads! - and the procession moved on, three of the
soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to
Alice for protection.
- You shan't be beheaded! - said Alice, and she put them into a large
flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute
or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others.
- Are their heads off? - shouted the Queen.
- Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty! - the soldiers
shouted in reply.
- That's right! - shouted the Queen. - Can you play croquet? The
soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently
meant for her.
- Yes! - shouted Alice.
- Come on, then! - roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,
wondering very much what would happen next.
- It's - it's a very fine day! - said a timid voice at her side. She
was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
- Very, - said Alice: - where's the Duchess?
- Hush! Hush! - said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked
anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon
tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered - She's under
sentence of execution.
- What for? - said Alice.
- Did you say - What a pity! - ? - the Rabbit asked.
- No, I didn't, - said Alice: - I don't think it's at all a pity. I
said - What for?
- She boxed the Queen's ears - the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little
scream of laughter. - Oh, hush! - the Rabbit whispered in a frightened
tone. - The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the
Queen said
- Get to your places! - shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and
people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each
other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game
began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in
her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,
the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up
and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her
flamingo: she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably
enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as
she had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the
hedgehog a blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in
her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting
out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin
again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled
itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there was
generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and
walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling
all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time
the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting
- Off with his head! - or - Off with her head! about once in a minute.
Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had
any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,
- and then, - thought she, - what would become of me? They're dreadfully
fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's any one
left alive!
She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether
she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious
appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after
watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to
herself - It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.
- How are you getting on? - said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth
enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. - It's no use
speaking to it, - she thought, - till its ears have come, or at least one
of them. - In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put
down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she
had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was
enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.
- I don't think they play at all fairly, - Alice began, in rather a
complaining tone, - and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear
oneself speak - and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at
least, if there are, nobody attends to them - and you've no idea how
confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the arch
I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground -
and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran
away when it saw mine coming?
- How do you like the Queen? - said the Cat in a low voice.
- Not at all, - said Alice: - she's so extremely - Just then she
noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, -
likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.
The Queen smiled and passed on. - Who ARE you talking to? - said the
King, going up to Alice, and looking at the Cat's head with great
curiosity.
- It's a friend of mine - a Cheshire Cat, - said Alice: - allow me to
introduce it.
- I don't like the look of it at all, - said the King: - however, it
may kiss my hand if it likes.
- I'd rather not, - the Cat remarked.
- Don't be impertinent, - said the King, - and don't look at me like
that! - He got behind Alice as he spoke.
- A cat may look at a king, - said Alice. - I've read that in some
book, but I don't remember where.
- Well, it must be removed, - said the King very decidedly, and he
called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, - My dear! I wish you
would have this cat removed!
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or
small. - Off with his head! - she said, without even looking round.
- I'll fetch the executioner myself, - said the King eagerly, and he
hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was
going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with
passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be
executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look of
things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew
whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which
seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with
the other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to
the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a
helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the
fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: - but it doesn't
matter much, - thought Alice, - as all the arches are gone from the side
of the ground. - So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not
escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her
friend.
When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find
quite a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on
between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at
once, while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle
the question, and they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they
all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what
they said.
The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head
unless there was a body to cut it off from: that he had never had to do
such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin at HIS time of life.
The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be
beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in
less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this
last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing else to say but - It belongs to the
Duchess: you'd better ask HER about it.
- She's in prison, - the Queen said to the executioner: - fetch her
here. - And the executioner went off like an arrow.
The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and, by the
time he had disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and
down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.



CHAPTER IX

The Mock Turtle's Story

- You can't think you glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!
- said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and
they walked off together.
Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and
thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her
so savage when they met in the kitchen.
- When I'M a Duchess, - she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful
tone though), - I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does
very well without - Maybe it's always pepper that makes people
hot-tempered, - she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new
kind of rule, - and vinegar that makes them sour - and camomile that makes
them bitter - and - and barley-sugar and such things that make children
sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so
stingy about it, you know
She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little
startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. - You're thinking
about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell
you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.
- Perhaps it hasn't one, - Alice ventured to remark.
- Tut, tut, child! - said the Duchess. - Everything's got a moral, if
only you can find it. - And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side
as she spoke.
Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the
Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the right
height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably
sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well
as she could.
- The game's going on rather better now, - she said, by way of
keeping up the conversation a little.
- 'Tis so, - said the Duchess: - and the moral of that is - Oh, 'tis
love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!
- Somebody said, - Alice whispered, - that it's done by everybody
minding their own business!
- Ah, well! It means much the same thing, - said the Duchess, digging
her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, - and the moral
of THAT is - Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of
themselves.
- How fond she is of finding morals in things! - Alice thought to
herself.
- I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your
waist, - the Duchess said after a pause: - the reason is, that I'm
doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?
- HE might bite, - Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all
anxious to have the experiment tried.
- Very true, - said the Duchess: - flamingoes and mustard both bite.
And the moral of that is - Birds of a feather flock together.
- Only mustard isn't a bird, - Alice remarked.
- Right, as usual, - said the Duchess: - what a clear way you have of
putting things!
- It's a mineral, I THINK, - said Alice.
- Of course it is, - said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to
everything that Alice said; - there's a large mustard-mine near here. And
the moral of that is - The more there is of mine, the less there is of
yours.
- Oh, I know! - exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last
remark, - it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.
- I quite agree with you, - said the Duchess; - and the moral of that
is - Be what you would seem to be - or if you'd like it put more simply -
Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to
others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what
you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.
- I think I should understand that better, - Alice said very
politely, - if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you
say it.
- That's nothing to what I could say if I chose, - the Duchess
replied, in a pleased tone.
- Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that, - said
Alice.
- Oh, don't talk about trouble! - said the Duchess. - I make you a
present of everything I've said as yet.
- A cheap sort of present! - thought Alice. - I'm glad they don't
give birthday presents like that!
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